Supporting Yourself Through Anxiety
December 8, 2020Manifest like a MOFO Queen in 2023
November 4, 2022
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Victor Frankl
We don’t end up in one bad relationship after another by mistake or accident. We also don’t end up in a “good relationship” by mistake. It needs to be a choice.
We need to consciously acknowledge all the things that were wrong with the dynamics and abuse of our relationships and consciously choose differently when we look for a new partner.
When you are experiencing ongoing abuse in a relationship – you tend to look forward to its potential. You think about how you can fix the problems.
All our focus is placed on the things that can be ‘fixed up’ in the other person (whether they want to fix themselves or not). We become so (obsessively) focused on “them” that we do not even know our own feelings. Even when the relationship ends, we still look at it from a faulty perspective telling ourselves – I couldn’t fix it, I just couldn’t’ handle ‘xyz’ about that person so I had to end it. We in turn begin feeling unworthy, unlovable, I’m not suitable for that person and other self depreciating stories. Or even worse, we are left with feelings of guilt and shame so much so that we end up staying thinking we can fix it because it is all our fault.
It is not about you attracting toxic people. Toxic people attach to anyone they can. The key is to learn how to let go of toxic people.
People say you can grow and learn so much from these destructive relationships but there is not a lot of positive you can learn from being hurt over and over again. The only real positive you can take is knowing how strong you really are.
Gaining knowledge and building inner qualities comes only from a place of love, not pain.
What we need to do is shift the focus back to us – back to our honor and truth.
When I realised I was in a trap of serial relationship disasters, the first thing I did was begin to shift the focus back to myself. I needed to firstly heal from the compiling trauma of abuse, then I needed to dig deeper into understanding myself, shifting the focus onto my values, my goals, and being self-aware.
At first I was overwhelmed by so many feelings that I felt numb. I didn’t even ‘know’ my own feelings. This is where we can be at risk of prescribing ourselves with painkillers such as alcohol, drugs, too much internet and other vices to ‘fix’ our emotional pain. So it it wise to reach out for support.
Acknowledging your own feelings and valuing yourself without trying to change or contort yourself to make others accept you is going to move you into a space of self-love.
From this space, we heal and re-align our focus back to what really is important and that is- what is in our highest good.
The question is “what would ‘love’ want me to do”?
If we are committed to changing the old and sometimes lifelong patterns and creating new ones it will be uncomfortable at first. Growth only comes from being uncomfortable until the new way of being is the ‘new’ comfortable.
There is a learning process in being around people who can fulfill your needs and desires. Often people will dismiss the ‘potential partners’ by saying things like “well I’m not attracted to him” or “there is just no chemistry”. They then retreat back to what feels familiar – another abuser.
When we know differently, we choose differently.
We can choose not to abandon ourselves anymore, and choose love over needing to feed off of others and sacrifice ourselves and what is important to us.
When we choose to prioritise our values and our self respect then we choose better for ourselves and influence the choices we make for ourselves in the world.
If this article has raised any issues for you that you would like support in dealing with, contact me through www.olivetherapies.com or email info@olivetherapies.com
50 Comments
Wohh precisely what I was searching for, regards for posting. Dawna Ganny Giff Erda Ryun Zosi
You have remarked very interesting details! ps nice site. “There’s always one who loves and one who lets himself be loved.” by W. Somerset Maugham.
Hello my friend! I wish to say that this article is awesome, nice written and include almost all significant infos. I’d like to see extra posts like this.
Greate post. Keep writing such kind of info on your site. Im really impressed by your site.
I’m still learning from you, but I’m improving myself. I certainly love reading everything that is written on your website.Keep the stories coming. I liked it!
Right here is the perfect website for anyone who would like to understand this topic. You understand a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually will need to횜HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a subject which has been written about for ages. Wonderful stuff, just excellent!
Whats up very nice blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your blog and take the feeds additionally¡KI am satisfied to search out a lot of useful info right here within the put up, we’d like develop more techniques on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .
Greetings! Quick question that’s totally off topic.
Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My web site looks weird when browsing from my
apple iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to correct this problem.
If you have any recommendations, please share. Thanks!
I used to be suggested this website through my cousin. I’m now not certain whether this submit is written by means of him as nobody else realize such special about my difficulty. You are amazing! Thanks!|
This website really has all the information I needed about this subject and didn’t know who to ask.
Just wanna comment on few general things, The website layout is perfect, the subject matter is really excellent. “In business school classrooms they construct wonderful models of a nonworld.” by Peter Drucker.
You are so interesting! I don’t think I’ve truly read through anything like this before. So wonderful to find another person with original thoughts on this subject. Seriously.. thank you for starting this up. This website is something that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality.
Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely delighted I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back frequently!|
Very interesting information!Perfect just what I was looking for! “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” by Johann von Goethe.
Everything is very open with a clear description of the challenges.
It was truly informative. Your website is very helpful.
Thank you for sharing!
My web-site :: манивео телеграм
Everything is very open with a really clear explanation of the issues. It was definitely informative. Your website is extremely helpful. Thanks for sharing!
Just want to say your article is as amazing. The clarity in your post is simply nice and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the rewarding work.
Howdy! I just would like to give you a big thumbs up for the excellent info you’ve got here on this post. I am returning to your web site for more soon.
You are so awesome! I don’t suppose I have read through something like that before. So nice to discover somebody with a few genuine thoughts on this topic. Really.. many thanks for starting this up. This web site is something that is required on the internet, someone with some originality!
Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the web the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks
Beautiful watch, excellent craftsmanship, more than meets expectations.
I’ve been exploring for a little for any high quality articles or blog posts on this sort of space . Exploring in Yahoo I eventually stumbled upon this site. Reading this information So i am happy to convey that I have a very good uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed. I most undoubtedly will make sure to do not forget this site and give it a look regularly.|
Can I just say what a relief to uncover somebody that truly knows what they are talking about online. You certainly know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people have to check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you are not more popular because you surely possess the gift.
An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a colleague who had been conducting a little homework on this. And he in fact ordered me breakfast due to the fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to discuss this matter here on your web page.|
Muchos Gracias for your blog article. Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool. Neal Yorton
Terrific work! That is the type of info that are supposed to be shared around the web. Antony Murray
Read your books everyday, then your knowledges will be increased Bathsheba Sheridan Branch
Thanks so much Brett. It is indeed a fascinating topic that constantly evolves with the changes to our society and technology
There is certainly a great deal to find out about this issue. I like all the points you made.
Lovely blog! I am loving it!! Will come back again. I am bookmarking your feeds also.James.
thanks.Sam
Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace
Thanks very nice blog!
Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and the rest of the site is also really good. Leisha
ts very well written; I love
I would personally never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me personally.
Thank you admin. Follow web site.
Thank you for the content, I wish you continued success.
I’m bookmarking this for future reference!
Very insightful! I learned a lot from this post.
Your enthusiasm for the subject is infectious!
This is a unique take on the topic. I appreciate your insight!
Your insights are always timely and relevant. Thank you!
Your writing is always insightful and thought-provoking.
Great article! Really opened my eyes to this topic.
I love the visuals you included. They really enhance the content!
Fantastic job! Your research is impressive.
This is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you!
I learned something new today. Great job!
Your writing style is engaging and enjoyable to read.